


That's Not a Pick Up Line, By The Way

by theguyabovemeisalright



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Actor Joel, Doctor Geoff, Early seasons of RVB, Fluff, M/M, Nurse Barbara, Nurse Ray, Residents Michael and Gavin, hospital au, just drives the AU, no serious injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 06:31:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4614804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theguyabovemeisalright/pseuds/theguyabovemeisalright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel goes to the hospital cause he needs to continue working, and hello, what's this, a gorgeous nurse helps him. And help, his brain needs work now, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amari](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amari/gifts).



> I got this idea randomly, like I have no idea why even, but flustered Joel trying to pick up Ray seems so real. And because I know for a fact Amari loves this I sent it right away, cause JOELAY.
> 
> All the knowledge I have about a hospital and how they work is very much based on what I saw on Scrubs...so there's that.

Joel wouldn’t say that he’s a hypochondriac, definitely not. Especially not after he went to this family doctor after he had a sniffle randomly on set (which was caused by the pepper shaker on the food cart, but Joel is adamant that he is now allergic to dust, even if his doctor disagrees). No, he is not a hypochondriac.

But his wrist does hurt, a lot. And he just got done with a major action part that required him to roll off screen multiple times. He really doesn’t need a broken wrist, especially being so close to the end of the filming. So Joel trudges to the nearest hospital on his rare afternoon off.

The hospital is small, but that’s what he gets for going the hospital in a town that’s just on the verge of being the middle of nowhere outside of LA. He could have easily driven the forty-five minutes to get back to LA, but he really needs to be onset, so he honestly has no choice.

After having a bit of a spat with the front nurse, he collapses into a hard, mysteriously stained, green plastic chair and started to fill out the required paperwork.

“I can’t fucking believe that I fucking went and fucking fucked up my fucking stupid fuck fuck wrist and writing fucking hurts, what’s my name, fuck its fucking Joel, I’m an actor and fucking fucked up my wrist doing an action roll for my new fuck, fuck!” Joel muttered bitterly under his breath as his filled out the appropriate information, studiously ignoring the other patients that were giving his sideways glances.

He winced as he pushed off the chair with his (boo-boo) bad wrist, scrunching his face in agony at the front nurse who took his paperwork.

After waiting for ten minutes in the waiting room, just to be led down a long, this-would-totally-be-the-hallway-in-a-hospital-horror-film-that-Joel-would-star-in cream hallway (complete with flickering fluorescent lights) and to a small examination room. The nurse rushed out a quick “Sorry, we’re a little understaffed, but the floor nurse will be right with you”, Joel entertained himself by wallowing in pity and learning all about the functions of farts and “Why You Should Let It Rip”. He barely heard the door open before a voice cracked from exhaustion.

“Sorry, about the wait, Mr. Heyman. It looks like you self-admitted yourself with a possible sprained wrist, is that correct?” Brown eyes glanced up from the clipboard, and did Joel randomly die from keeping his flatulence in and gone to heaven because hot man alert! _Oh, wait. He said something. Say something smart back!_

“Uh…” Joel responded as-a-matter-of-factly.

_Yeah. Reaaal smooth._

The nurse paid Joel no mind as he took a step closer to the examination table that Joel was sitting on. He pushed his sleeves from his undershirt up as he tenderly grabbed Joel’s wrist that he’d be cradling. The touch alone got Joel to shiver, which caused the nurse to smile apologetically to Joel and thus caused his heart to stop because _no, this is what heaven looks lik—Shut up, sappy Joel! Hot Nurse is talking!_

“Sorry, it’s the same ol’ story. The hospital is really cold. Here, I’ll blow on them for ya.”

Joel’s brain short-circuited after _blow_ and _ya_.

“Uh, buh?”

The nurse grabbed at his hand once more, and even though his hands were slightly warmer, Joel still had to suppress the shiver.

“So, what happened?” The nurse asked, carefully twisting Joel’s wrist around.

“Well, I did this action roll and—“

“An action roll? Doing what? Saving a small child from a runaway fruit cart?” The nurse joked, but since when was Joel’s brain fully connected since the nurse walked in?

“Y-YES! I mean, no?” Joel flushed.

The nurse laughed, causing Joel to chuckle and absolutely melt inside. The nurse opened his mouth when the door to the examination room burst opened and a sleepy looking doctor came in and snatched the clipboard from the table where the nurse had placed it.

“What’s the news, Mr. Nurse Ray Narvaez Jr.?” He cracked, sipping from a coffee cup that smelled suspiciously like whiskey.

“Nothing, Dr. Lazer.” Ray ( _Ray like Roses fills my dreams—SHUT UP SAPPY JOEL!!_ ) smirked at the doctor who laughed mockingly, throwing his shoulders up and down dramatically while looking at Joel’s chart.

“Wait, your name is Dr. Lazer?” Joel asked, missing the warmth when Ray stepped away to grab some supplies from some cupboards.

“Nah, Nurse Ray likes to poke fun. Ain’t that right, hunny bun?” The doctor nudged Ray in the ribs. The action and the nickname cut through Joel’s one chance at…something. Dammit Jim, he’s an actor, not a…smart…person (the line is doctor).

“If you don’t have a professional opinion about my patient, please leave us alone, Doctor.” Joel missed the way Ray emphasized the word alone, too caught up in his own thoughts.

“Alright, but I can see if we can get him in for a quick X-Ray on that wrist.” Dr. “Lazer” said with a wink before sauntering out of the room.

A few tense moments of silence went by as Ray started taking normal measurements of Joel, taking his temperature and pressure before Joel couldn’t help himself.

“So, is that a Mr. Narveas, or…?” Joel winced at his pronunciation of Ray’s last name as he turned to Joel with a quirk of amusement.

“Compared to what other kind of Mister?” Ray couldn’t help but laugh mirthfully.

“Y-you know…” Joel muttered, flushed but holding his tongue out while Ray looked at the back of his throat.

“No, I’m very much single. Working a job like this eats up a lot of your social life.” Ray shrugged noncommittally before writing some things down.

“Yeah, my job is the same way.” Thinking about working tirelessly on films and shows, Joel almost struggled to remember the last time he went out on an actual date.

“Oh, really? What do you do, Mr. Heyman?”

And God, did Joel hate that Ray was calling him by his surname (though looking back, Joel’s brain never had a chance to reconnect long enough to correct him). He also hated what his brain decided to do next (he reasons that he does so to try and one up that Doctor Laser-Pointer).

“Um, it’s Doctor.” _Brain, no._

“Doctor, huh? Do you work in the area? I’ve never heard of Dr. Heyman.” Ray asked from his clipboard, leaning casually against the cupboard.

SHIT.

“W-well, I’m a different kind of Doctor.”

“Oh?”

_Say anything. Physicist, chemist, something cool, DAMMIT!_

“Yeah, I’m a dentist.”

_I. AM. GOING. TO. KIL. YOU. BRAIN!_

It was quiet for a few short seconds while Joel tried to murder his train of thought.

“A dentist?” Ray asked confused.

“Y-yeah, that’s right. T-that’s how I hurt my wrist. Pulled a wisdom tooth.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah, but it needed to come out so…”

“I thought you said you hurt it doing an action roll?” Ray smirked smugly, enjoying watching Joel squirm under his scrutiny.

“Uh…”

“And, uh, your chart says that you’re an _actor _, under the line profession.” Ray full-on grinned when Joel’s whole body seemed to flush a bright crimson color.__

__“Uh, r-right.” Joel muttered looking everywhere but at Ray._ _

__Chuckling to himself, he decided to give Joel a break and led him to the front area, handing him a small hospital card with a time and date._ _

__“Come back at this time and we’ll X-Ray that wrist of yours. Though it looks like a very minor sprain, so some ice and rest should do it good, but come back if it’s still bothering you.” Ray said after making some quick notes with the front nurse._ _

__Joel barely nodded before turning away._ _

__“Hey, Mr. Dentist!” Ray called out, Joel almost giving himself whiplash from turning so quickly._ _

__“Next time you try and pick me up, use the actor line. Waaay hotter than a dentist.”_ _

__Flushing unbelievably hot, Joel rushed out into the hot California sun, before noticing the ten-digit number written on the back of the card. Joel smiled, pocketing the number before driving back to his trailer, happy he stayed near the middle of nowhere for once._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> I am on tumblr as nin-jam, but I post only on here.
> 
> Comment, criticisms, and prompts are definitely appreciated!! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, obviously, they need to get together somehow!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this just so I can use a pun about Joel's Caboose. That is literally why this exists.

Ray couldn’t deny that the incredible hot actor caught his interest. Something about the man caused Ray extreme bouts of happiness.

The way he got flustered easily, his flubbed attempts of flirting was actually very endearing to the Puerto Rican, so in a flash of confidence, Ray scrawled his number under Geoff’s doctor note, hoping for a call.

And even though he know that Joel was an actor, and there was a crew filming a couple miles on the outskirts of town, it wasn’t hard to figure that Joel was involved in that production and that he’d be pretty busy. That still didn’t stop him from basically gluing himself to his phone.

And after the third day of not hearing a word from Mr. “Dentist” Joel Heyman, Ray decided to IMDb Joel. And after shifting through some obscure titles that didn’t particularly catch his attention, a little side project called _Red Vs. Blue_ did, mainly because the logo was a still from one of his favorite video games, _Halo_.

So Ray sat back, finally relaxing after his sixteen hour shift and played the first episode of _RVB_. And the second. And the third. Then the first season. Followed by the next four. And holy shit, Ray was hooked and he was almost late for work.

After yelling a bit at Geoff for not telling him that he was a part of _Red VS Blue_ (“Dude, how can you not tell me you knew Joel?!” “Man, I don’t fucking know. I never met the guy. I was in med school and a friend asked me to send him some recorded lines. I didn’t even recognize his voice, fucking don’t hide the whiskey! Ray!”), Ray now started praying to the gods to deliver his voice angel to him again.

And, lo and behold, a miracle. That came in an ambulance and a stretcher and wisps of dark hair and the chiseled face that Ray has been waiting for and—oh god, is this a panic attack.

After near, hyperventalting over a guy he barely knew, Ray composed himself and raced after the stretcher, pushing past his friends, Residents Jones and Free, to see the chart that clearly read…broken leg.

Ray wanted to punch Geoff so badly when the static in his ears died down to Michael and Geoff wheezing in the corner over how he reacted. After storming off without a word (Joel was passed out from the drugs that they gave him for the pain), Ray needed a plan of action.

Step one, become his regular nurse. Which is way fucking easier said than done, but after trading Barbara all of her clinical’s for the room, Ray could only think “ _Worth it.”_

Step two, wait for Joel to “fucking wake up already so I can talk to you and hear your voice and see your face all red and ten fucking shades of hot already, fuck!”

Seeing as Ray couldn’t just wait around for Joel to wake up, he went to help with rounds. However, on his way to the nurse’s station, Gavin and Michael lifted him up by his armpits and dumped him in the chair next to Joel’s bed.

“Michael, Gavin, what the fuck?”

“Shut the fuck up, asshole. You are not to leave this chair, got it?” Michael huffed in his typical fashion, red curls bobbing as he smirked devilishly at Ray.

“B-but, I’m scheduled to do rounds with—“

“Already got it covered. So sit your ass down and wait.” Michael stormed off, snatching Ray’s charts out his hands and thrusting half into Gavin’s awaiting arms.

“Vav, I—“

“We took over your patients, X-Ray.” Gavin said, before leaning in conspiriously. “We all agreed after you started trying to trade for Joel’s room, so sit and wait for him, okay? We got this.” Gavin gave his signature crinkly smile before throwing a wink and a kiss out of the door.

Ray chuckled, settling back in his chair and watching the rise and fall of Joel’s chest. After an hour or so, Joel wakes up.

“Hey-man.” Ray jokes as Joel stares at him, squinting through the drugs.

“Wha’ h’pp’n?” Joel asked all cutely, voice slurring from the drug induced rest.

“You broke your leg, on set it seems.”

“My leg?!” That seemed to wake Joel up, as he sat up as much as he could to inspect the damage. And sure enough, his leg was raised and in a very generic white cast and sling.

Groaning, Joel threw himself back onto the pillows on his bed. “Fuuuck. How bad is it?” Joel moaned, closing his eyes from the pain, and Ray had to physically snap himself out of the thoughts whirling in his mind from that pain induced moan. _What about a pleasure induced—NO, Nurse Ray. Not the time._

Ray shrugged, briefly glancing at the chart at the end of Joel’s bed, even though he’s basically memorized it by now.

“Mostly hairline, one fracture is clean through though, so no walking for you.”

“Not a good thing to hear before I ask you out on a date finally, now is it?” Joel peaked though one eye at the now blushing Ray. Though there is one thing that could be said about Ray, and that it’s his quick recoveries.

“Shame, I was really looking forward to seeing that Caboose again.” Ray said with a wink, causing Joel to go into a fit of giggles, mostly due to the drugs left over in his system.

Ray sat down next to Joel, nervously toying with the bottom of his scrubs.

“I hate to admit this, cause this seems so fucking stalkerish, but I made a really good pun and you didn’t realize I did, so here it goes. I may have googled you, or IMDb-ed, whatever, and I also binge-watched _RVB_ in like, one day.” Ray finished, looking at everywhere but Joel’s face.

Joel was shocked, to say the least. _RVB_ was taking a break as one of the voice actors was trying to direct his own film, and he knew another didn’t have a lot of time because he was in law, vet, or med school.

 _This is your chance,_ said Sappy Joel. _DATE HIM!!_

Looking at his bedside table, Joel spotted two small gelatin containers. After some difficulty due to wires and trying to be subtle, which he’s surprised he actually managed to pull it off, he offered one to Ray.

When Ray looked at him in confusion, yet a bright smile nonetheless, Joel’s confidence grew.

“Wanna go on a Jell-O date with me? Right here, at this time o’clock?” Joel grinned, full out smiling when Ray took the gelatin from his hands, and they sat and talked, while the noises of the hospital surrounded them.

(And after a few weeks of juggling schedules did they finally go on a “real” date, but they will forever recite that that hospital room was their first.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> I am on tumblr as nin-jam, but I post only on here.
> 
> Comment, criticisms, and prompts are definitely appreciated!! <3


End file.
